Old Friends

The world is a many layered and confusing place. For my graduation people have sent an outpouring of cards, gifts, money and well wishes. Mostly from people I've never met who only know me as Roger Grantham's daughter. A great friend of my dad's who has schizophrenia recently came to town to give me a graduation gift. It was a 1500 dollar tag heuer watch. It was so nice and he said if dad was here it would've come from him so I needed to have it. It was so kind of him, even though he claimed that homeland security was watching and didn't pack any clothes for the trip, only knives and screwdrivers. He's crazy, but he loved my dad and it inspired me to give like that even though he's never met me. Its so...weird. Very kind and generous, but its so strange that he's not here but people liked and remember him so well that they'd support me in this way. It also makes me so sad. He didn't see the greatest moments of my life, my May Dav when I was queen, 8th grade graduation, my business awards, the day I got into college, my high school graduation. He didn't get to see them and he wont get to see the ones to come, my college graduation, my wedding, my kids being born. I hate the father daughter dances at weddings, the giving away of the bride, the walking her down the aisle. I don't even know if I'll want a wedding because the concept of the father's role in the daughter's life is so woven into the entire ceremony. Father's day is coming up and it makes me miserable. Some days when I see a young girl holding her father's hand its all I can bear to not break down. Then other days I see it and I'm so happy for that child. She doesn't have to be sad, she doesn't have to experience that kind of loss. I'm glad for her and I hope that her life doesn't have that kind of loss.