Choices

Life is a series of choices, or so I've been told. If this holds true than why have the biggest and most altering choices of my life been made by another person? The phrase should be, life is a series of choices that you don't get to make. Over and over again I've thought that maybe I could stand him, maybe I could get used to him, maybe if he works at it he can be like a real father (something I've sorely missed). But again and again I've been let down and disappointed. Life hasn't given me a second chance at a family. Mom's in AA and I'm so happy for her, she's getting help, but at the same time she refuses to address where the original problem came from and change it. He's the root of almost all of this families problems and i can't help but feel that if he left things would get so much better and we could finally get back to a place that resembles normalcy. I know this is a fools wish because she is afraid. She won't trust that she can function in this life without a man, she's always had an old fashioned perspective on this, but now its to the point of ridiculousness. She just doesn't understand how difficult it is to trust him and let someone into my heart again. I tried so hard after we lost Dad and he was there, but then I remember the emotional abuse, the fights, him leaving supposedly for good and being home the next day. he's been nice to me since I've been home, but I can't let him in because I know how much it'll hurt. It would've been so much easier if mom had chosen better, if someone else had been let into my life who could have helped our family instead of contribute to its decay. I don't think she understands the gravity of me and Leah's last choice, what has become our only choice. If after this summer she hasn't left him we are telling her that we're not going to be returning for extended periods of time, she won't be invited to Leah's wedding, won't be allowed to see her future grandchildren. If she continues to make her choice of him before her only children then she is basically losing her children. We won't take a backseat to him any longer. We have a choice. The hardest we'll ever make, but it is a necessity to ensure our own survival. The time is almost upon us.