Friendship

What I believe is life isn’t meant to give you meaning. I’ve never really wanted a deeper meaning for life than that it is a gift that was randomly bestowed upon us and we have the free will to enjoy, question it, or throw it away.

I remember you more than you may realize, freshman year at least, I still can’t remember giving you cupcakes in 4th grade specifically. I remember sitting on the side of that wall and I was miserable. I would come and be there but not be there. I had Ellie barely as a friend, she was still close to a group I was only an occasional and special events participant. I would try and interact, but I was so awkward and weird that no one paid attention other than to question my sanity.

I saw you there and I remember speaking to you about books on a few occasions, but I was intimidated by you a little. You seemed so…together. You had your friends on that wall and were guaranteed a spot there. I thought you had it all just because you sat on those steps.

Freshman year was one of the worst years of my life. I had almost no friends and didn’t ever leave my house except on small occasions. I spent my life in my house watching TV and doing homework and waiting for friends to call. I was lonely and I felt like no one cared or noticed.

This feeling lasted all of freshman year and sophomore year. Then in my junior year I was rescued by all the friends I have now. I don’t remember changing who I was but I remember feeling different. I grew into myself.

I know that you’ll never be the person with a million friends because you’re special. Lucy has too much to offer just anyone. To be your friend is a unique experience and you aren’t ready to let too many people in to your world.

I don’t know that what you’re feeling will go away anytime soon like my feelings did, but I want you to know that you have more friends than you think, people who do care around you. Maybe you don’t see them as friends quite yet, but I think they see you in that way. Ellie and I are here for you. If there’s ever something you think you can’t say but really want to just tell us. Ellie was my harbor in a lot of my bad times in life and the experience has taught me the power of just listening without judgment.