Where Do We Belong?

I just finished watching one of those commercials advertising the benefits of sitting around the dinner table with your family and it made me so sad. They always make me sad, because I used to be one of those families. Mom, Dad, Leah and I used to have fun, serious, political, ridiculous, and ordinary conversations and its the thing I've missed the most since his death. We would talk and eat and laugh with each other and I used to think that we had the perfect nuclear family. Over the past 6 years the occasion of sitting around the dinner table together has gotten rarer and rarer and when we do if Fat Man is home from Oahu where he works and lives most of the time the conversation is tense and filled with his MORONIC AND IDIOTIC jokes that AREN'T FUNNY in the slightest. Its amazing how arrogant and insanely pedantic that man can be. I hate him to the core of my being and his simpering, condescending nature makes me want to jam his head against a curb. When he speaks to me I barely acknowledge him and he isn't perturbed in the slightest. He continues on with his bullshit. The sound of his voice makes my toes curl with discomfort and revulsion. Then I go to chelsea's house. We all help and contribute to the meal and sit around and talk and laugh together. Then we all eat and its amazing food, but the part that I love the most is laughing at playing with the "sploosh" from the root beer bottles and talking with each other like we all matter. The Drazkowski's seem to have this amazing understanding of each other. They love so unconditionally and remind me of how my family used to be. They also seem to accept others into this beautiful world they've created without hesitation. I ran errands with chelsea's mom today and it was great. We chatted and kept each other company and it was nice. I hope that someday the family I have will be as loving and understanding as there's is. I will let my kids make mistakes and they will know I'll be there for them so that they can learn from them. I wont repeat the mistakes of my mother.