Great...

She can't shut her stupid mouth and leave well enough alone. Telling mom the truth about all the shit she's put us through these past 6 years will only make things worse. She's a child incapable of taking responsibility. Stop pushing it. I want to have the superficial happiness that we have when you and fat man aren't around to push things. Live and let live, sometimes being right isn't enough. Sometimes you have to settle.

Replacement

Two blogs in one day, i must be on a role. I'm writing this because I feel like someone I considered a close friend is moving away from me. We only hung out outside school on occasion because of some parental issues, but now she's doing things with our mutual friends and not even thinking to invite me. It hurts a bit, especially when I make the effort to invite her even when I know she probably wont come. Its the thought that counts. Is it all because you didn't end up going out with "him"? Is that what you've ended our friendship over? I've always sensed that I was a bit of a second class friend just because I wasn't in NHS or didn't go to LIS or something. I didn't know what it was but there was always something there that seemed to hold her away from me. We bonded over things and I'm sad to see this friendship dwindle. Our texting still feels like it always did but now she's off doing things with our friends and I wouldn't even hear about it if it weren't for Twitter or another friend who mistakenly asked if I was going along on the plans. I informed him I wasn't invited and he felt bad. I hope that she doesn't realize what she's doing or that there's a reason other than she doesn't want to be friends anymore. I miss her.

Hello Seattle

I can't wait for my new home!!!!!!!!!!! Stoof is there right now and I'm beyond envious. I'm sick to death of the faux family dinners and life here. I'm so ready to live in Seattle and have a new place to call my home. Stoof talking about the places makes me sure that I'm going to love it. I can't wait for my new world to open up :D

Home

I've spent 17 years here on Maui. I've lived here my entire life, I've loved here, lost here, and made incredible friendships here. I don't know what to say about it anymore. I get into my car with Stoof and we don't know where to go anymore. We've traveled everywhere, done everything, and now we're done. Its like the adventures here are scarcer and scarcer. We have to find them by random coincidence and the lining ups of fates. We had an INCREDIBLE night last night. We started by owl searching, and ended up ghost riding the whip. I felt so free! For the first time in a long time I let go of a little ball inside my stomach with so much tension in it. I love my friends and I was having the time of my life watching the stars blur past us while driving down a deserted road in the middle of the night. Even this most epic of adventure couldn't fully make up for the fact that I'm BORED here. I feel so stuck here, like I need to get out into the world and see the bigger picture. I need to know what I'm capable of and what college will be like. I want the next step to be here already. I need the next step to happen. I'm scared, but I know that I'll be ok, I'll grow up and be an adult and start my real life. And when I return here during breaks and vacations I can reminisce about the past and find some more adventures here. Its easier when you're working with less time. I'll always love it here, it is my home, but I need to get out of here. I need to leave this island behind for now. I'll always remember the times here, I'll always love the people and the places, but for now I need to say goodbye.

Old Friends

The world is a many layered and confusing place. For my graduation people have sent an outpouring of cards, gifts, money and well wishes. Mostly from people I've never met who only know me as Roger Grantham's daughter. A great friend of my dad's who has schizophrenia recently came to town to give me a graduation gift. It was a 1500 dollar tag heuer watch. It was so nice and he said if dad was here it would've come from him so I needed to have it. It was so kind of him, even though he claimed that homeland security was watching and didn't pack any clothes for the trip, only knives and screwdrivers. He's crazy, but he loved my dad and it inspired me to give like that even though he's never met me. Its so...weird. Very kind and generous, but its so strange that he's not here but people liked and remember him so well that they'd support me in this way. It also makes me so sad. He didn't see the greatest moments of my life, my May Dav when I was queen, 8th grade graduation, my business awards, the day I got into college, my high school graduation. He didn't get to see them and he wont get to see the ones to come, my college graduation, my wedding, my kids being born. I hate the father daughter dances at weddings, the giving away of the bride, the walking her down the aisle. I don't even know if I'll want a wedding because the concept of the father's role in the daughter's life is so woven into the entire ceremony. Father's day is coming up and it makes me miserable. Some days when I see a young girl holding her father's hand its all I can bear to not break down. Then other days I see it and I'm so happy for that child. She doesn't have to be sad, she doesn't have to experience that kind of loss. I'm glad for her and I hope that her life doesn't have that kind of loss.

My Poof

I'm going to miss her so much that i feel tears well up in my eyes whenever I think about it. We are supposed to and going to be friends forever. I know that we'll see each other a lot on weekends and trips and holidays, but its not enough. We're so ingrained into each others lives its going to be strange and new to not have you around all the time. I did the math and I see you or am with you maybe 80 hours a week. I know you're going to transfer into Udub after a year, but its gonna be a long year. We will survive this, but its going to be hard to not have my partner in crime around all the time. I refuse to pull an olson and have you turn into a Christmas card friend.

Different

For the first time in my teenage life I think that people can tell that I'm depressed. So much bad crap is happening to my family and its affecting me. I've had so many issues with them in the past and I've dealt with it, but lately the bad crap seems to be consuming me. I can normally mask the harshness of my world and forget it with my friends, but of late its leaking into my persona. I am usually the happiest person around, but now I see myself wanting distance because I don't want to infect the happy people around me. Then I was alone today for a great portion of the day and I realized that not being around the people who can help me through my issues is a huge mistake. I feel like now is the time for me to deal with my issues and work through them with the people I love, who love me. I'm going to let it go now and be myself again.

When I'm depressed I'm going to now recite this list of happy things coming up:
1) Graduation
2) Project Grad
3) Disney Land
4) Olson Road Trip
5) Last summer living at home
6) Leah visiting
7) Living on my own
8) UDUB :D
9) Getting even closer with Chelsea in Seattle
10) Making new friends and keeping in touch with the old ones