Two

I’m a little torn these days. I went from a freshman with two friends to a sophomore with one friend to a junior and a senior with so many friends in so many categories it’s impossible to count. All of these friends are great and I love them all with all of my heart. The only problem with that is choices. The choice of which friends you eat lunch with and which friends you invite to parties and which friends you text and call and keep up the constant communication with. I have two main groups, the fantastic and the outsiders. I love them both, they fill up two different parts of me, but sometimes I want one over the other. Its only as simple as a passing mood or what’s on my mind at the moment. I wish I could talk to them both about it openly, how torn I feel at times because the two don’t really mix together, but I realize that that is how it has to be. I need them both so it’s my choice to manage the two together. I love them both equally and they don’t always understand that, but they’ll get used to it if they’re the true friends I find in both groups.

The Real World Awaits Us

Everything is about to change. It is a simple statement of facts, a string of five words that is about to define the rest of my life. I feel as though I am standing on the precipice of greatness and I am about to jump in. My high school life is ending in about three months. That is so fucking terrifyingly, awesome. I am scared to no end but I am more excited than I have ever been about anything. It’s the real world that I am about to enter. I want to go to college and start the rest of my life more than I can express in mere words. My life here is almost at a close and I can see the rest of the big world that is waiting for me. I have a new desire to move out and on and I can't wait for it to be real. I have loved my life in high school and I wouldn't change anything about it, except maybe that I tried harder in math and French lol, and that people understood me better from the beginning, but now I'm so content with everything and everyone that leaving them all behind is hard. I am brining some of them with me I hope, but the places and experiences are all left behind here on Maui, my one true home.

New Leaf

A few people know who this is about, many more would guess wrong, but this is a blog of sadness and a new leaf. I've liked you so much for so long and I have decided I need to let it go really badly. We've started to get so much closer and I don't want to risk that or make things awkward between us, so this is goodbye to those feelings, this is my new leaf.

What I Love

I work in the absolute best place in the world. It is my escape from everything that I hate or fear. I love books more than I love air or any other essential component of life. Sometimes I forget my way and I just look at a book or open its pages and inhale the stories, then I remember who I am again. I worship the written word for what it is, magic. A great man once said "Whenever I get some money I go out and I buy books, and if there is anything left I buy food and water." I know exactly how he feels.

Judgement

I just got home from work and decided to actually give this a try. Lucy I'm sorry it took me so long, i was a little lost recently and didn't know how to get back home and try this out. What is on my mind right now is judging. People do it all the time, I know i can, write people off as what catagory they fit into but i try really hard not to. I have a coworker that i will name Amylee for these puposes. I love Amylee, she is so random, not in a goofball way but a shockingly informative way. She studied hebrew and hawaiian, is a recovering drug user, and knew the persian root of my true name. She knows so much about so much and i had originally written her off as just another face in the crowd. I'm so glad she changed my mind about her. She is a unique and true person and I'm glad i know her. Fly amylee, fly higher than you think you are capable because I know you can.