Erased

I deleted him off of everything. I think I removed all evidence of the friendship/whatever I was. It was a shitty friendship and he was an unbelievable jerk to me, but its done. I'm so glad I have perspective and I'm so glad the mistake wasn't as bad as it could have been. He's done. Forever.

Hello Seattle, Now We're in New York Under the Stars

One of the things I love about Stoof is the talking. We stay up hours past when we should be sleeping and just talk. We speak aloud, we dream, we say things that we might not even say during the daylight. Its like the darkness is a drug that lets us say some of the things we won't even admit to ourselves. I know our lives are headed in the same general direction, for now, but I don't know the future. What will happen after college is over? The current plan for me is to move to New York after I graduate and work for Barnes and Noble on the corporate level. NEW YORK?! All the way on the East coast, as far away from Seattle as Maui is if not more. Life is so confusing and fast paced and tragically short. Stoof, Chelsea, Liz, Sean, all my friends on Maui and across the world. I don't know who is going to be in my life 5 years from now. I close my eyes and picture my wedding to some anonymous man that I probably don't even know yet and I wonder who will be on the invite list that I know right now. No matter what me and the Stoof are soul mates, we're stuck with each other. To take a line from Grey's Anatomy everyone has a "person" the one that will pick you up after an abortion, the one who would answer a call at 4 a.m to pick their drunk ass up at a bar, and the one who is irreplaceable. Stoof is my soul mate. We're closer than sisters, illustrated by the fact that we are both closer to each other than to our own flesh and blood sisters.



My eyes are closed and I open them. The first image is unclear, it appears to be a man that I'm going to spend the rest of my life with. I look around underneath a white tent with a sky filled with stars. The lights are shimmering to mimic the sky above us. A beautiful woman in a stunning backless dress approaches me with a shaggy gentleman in a suit with a half crooked smile. I realize the woman is Stoof and the man is her "happily ever after". We hug like the world will end after we let go. The moment ends and we just look at each other. She doesn't have to speak, our respective boys are talking about the ceremony, and something else. We're not paying attention we just can't stop grinning like idiots. Then she takes me by the arm and said "The time has come." and we move as a pack to meet the rest of the guests. A few are unfamiliar but then two women approach me. One of them screaming with joy, the other looks terribly amused by the proceedings. Its Elizabeth Lagbas and Chelsea. I look around and I see Talitha, Jessica, Mariele, Justine, Eric, Kelly, Sierra, and Sarah of my Seattle crew. I see Melvin, Macenzie, Jono, Blake, Sean, Lyle, Will, my sister, and some of the other Lahainaluna people. I throw back my head and laugh. Its been such a journey.



I hope it all turns out happy and feel-good like this small dream I have. But I just don't know. Maybe I'll have the same group of friends in 10 years with a few additions. Or maybe it will have utterly changed. The one thing I know for certain is Stoof and I are in it for life. Chelsea I hope is in it for life. Sometimes she seems so distant, so transient. Like there's a wall between her and the rest of the world that she can't even let down for me and Stoof. We care deeply for her, but we're not mind readers. I'll just hope for the best and have faith in myself that it all works out the way it's meant to.

Timing

Regrets are a waste of time. Must remember to stop having them one of these days. I can't wait to return to Seattle, I love it here, but I'm so bored and stir crazy these days. It seems like all we do is look at each other and wonder what we should do with our time. Which usually entails the beach and barnes and noble. Great times are always had but I miss the city lights. I miss my friends in washington. Can't wait for adventures with Chelsea, my Haggett ladies, and school friends. August 19th, one month in counting.

Generation X

When did I become one of those girls who makes those types of mistakes? It happened a while back, but the fact that it happened still bothers me. I never want to become one of those girls I hate. Time for some changes. Time to do better because I used to be a better person. So its with determination I return to college life with virginity intact but pride mildly dented. Note to self: never drink with boys I like who are complete assholes.